It’s A Roller Coaster!
About 6 years ago Jared and I decided it would be fun to go
to Elitches (a Six Flags Amusement Park) for the day. We hired a sitter for our boys and were like two giddy kids
thinking about all the fun that the day was going to hold. When we arrived at the park, it was
nearly empty. Schools were all
still in session, and the weather was cool. With the scarce crowds came short lines and a lot of riding
time! Jared’s mission was to sit
in the front car on every roller coaster.
I love riding roller coasters. I love getting on, buckling in, climbing the big hill, and
screaming my brains out and laughing all the way down. It never fails though… After the ascent
up, there is always a split second where I think…”uhh why am I doing this?” and
no sooner is that thought coming out… my stomach drops, a knot forms in my
throat, and my hands are clenched around the bar, that is forcing me to stay in
this car.
Sometimes, it feels like this journey of adoption stirs that
same feeling in me. The unknown of
what is going to happen, clenching, climbing, coasting… it’s all a part of “the
process”. A process that I love and hate… that has
beauty and is ugly… that connects and separates… that fills me up and empties
me… that is so full and barren…that has changed my heart forever.
As the metal wheels of a coaster wrap around the track to
never separate… my life, my home, everything I am is now connected forever to
this nation that has bore my children… Today after spending a week with these
two beautiful innocent children… I step on a plane to go home…my arms clenched…
sobbing… my son John Diego screaming… Christine blowing bubbles innocently
unaware of the environment she is about to enter… back to being an orphan… The
lump in my throat, the warm salty tears down my cheek… The part of the ride
that is so hard. Leaving my two
children behind.
And then the free fall follows… Trusting that this is God’s
plan for our family…that his timing is perfect… that the bumps and the curves
will not jerk us too hard…that He will watch over John Diego and Christine…
comforting them at night and filling their hearts with a knowing that mama and
papa will come back…surrounding them with His peace. Trusting that every bit of
the resources we need to get these kids home will come… somehow… someway… I am
surrendered to the journey.
Someday this will come to a halt. I will walk out of the crèche holding my babies. Never again leaving them… never again
having to say goodbye… full of joy… looking back at all the hills and twists
and moments of pure terror… relieved it’s over…thankful I embarked on this
process… and in awe of how God made it all happen.
